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| Funny/Naughty Ferret Tales |
If you have any we would love to add them to this site.
Please send them into
PROfficer@britishferretclub.co.uk
Come on guys send in the stories
I am sure you have some |
| The Safest Bank in England |
I have a silver back ferret. she decided to play in my jacket the other day and found £20 in my pocket and she ran round the room with it so I gave chase and now I just can't find it anywhere I have looked everywhere for it and still can’t find it. |
| Two Way Stretch Tale of a Returned Escapee |
I am very pleased to report that thanks to your advice our ferret Ben has returned home, but there is a tale to tell and thought you might be interested to hear it.
My daughter, her boyfriend and myself had searched everywhere possible in my garden, her boyfriend went to all the households that back onto our garden, with the promise that the neighbours would look out for him.
Now the reason that he escaped in the first place is that Ben and his playmate Jerry's temporary home had a hook and eye catch to their main door and not a bolt. Somehow through there play we assumed that they had shaken the door and the catch had come undone. Their door had only been open for about 5 minutes as they had obviously frightened my cats who flew through the cat flap, On finding out what the commodtion was about I discovered Jerry happily wondering around on the patio but Ben nowhere to been seen. We use a cat basket to transport Ben and Jerry about in ,so this was ideal to use together with the suggested mince on a saucer placed inside it. We then placed the basket half way under their house.
This morning on looking out of the window I saw the saucer was upside down outside the basket. Calling to my daughter, we assumed that it may have been a cat or hedgehog. Going outside to check, my daughter was shocked to see the door open again but only slightly this time ( after ensuring last night the latch was closed). We assumed the worst that Jerry would also now be missing. So she looked into their cosy sleeping quarters and to her suprise she found that Jerry was sound asleep and to her utter amazement there was Ben sound asleep with him.
So not only did he come home, he let himself in as well. I knew that ferrets can be clever but not this clever. Of course everyone is now very happy and needless to same we have now purchased a bolt to replace the latch until their new home is ready. |
| The Great Bitey Escape |
Hi, I have seven ferrets at home and am sending in this story of the days before I had completely ferret proofed their shed.
The other morning the other half went up the garden to our ferret shed, to wake up the little darlings and feed/water them etc. He must have been half asleep (easily done, he’s not a morning person) because he neglected to fasten one of the padlocks on the wire panels on the door. In the day the ferrets have fresh air and tantalising glimpses of freedom, as the shed door is open and fenced off with said wire panels. At night we close up the shed door and put them to ferret beddie-byes. To stop them escaping their huge shed (housing it’s double hutch and numerous toys, a dirt box, climbing frames and tunnels - they don’t know how lucky they are!) there is a security system rivalling Fort Knox.
So this missing padlock provided a gap large enough for the 3 naughtiest ladies to escape from, small as they are sliding through the gap and into freedom. When ferret bedtime came we realised at
body count we were three ferrets down. Now, I wasn’t worried about them running off because they know which side their bread is buttered, they just like to go a-wandering and return when they feel like it. They also tend to get a bit uppity at being returned home before they want to. But what I was bothered about was that it was getting dark and most importantly next door have a huge loft full of racing pigeons. Ferrets like pigeons. Only too well. And my neighbour has been round to see me previously asking why my ferrets were skulking around his rockery worrying his pigeons at 5am one morning (a previous escape).
When I hastily named my ferrets all those weeks ago, I never considered that I would have to hunt round the hedgerows in the garden yelling these names out in public. The problem is, that when you’re shouting “Mum, Mum, come here Mum” while crouching down in your garden your neighbours think you're crackers. They think you’ve either got a very small Mum, or she’s recently escaped from the nearest lunatic asylum - or that you have). And we’ve only just moved here so the jury’s still out on whether the neighbours think we’re bonkers or not.
At this point introductions may be in order. Meet my ferrets:
- Mum, small, bossy, spends considerable time trying to escape her five naughty, boisterous, demanding, violent kids.
- Dad: a gentle soul who spends most of his time hiding from said kids. (OK, the names aren’t original but we felt they should be honoured for giving birth to such monsters).
- Topsy and Turvy - the two boys. Grown to be three times the size of everyone else (even Dad), constantly rough-housing and knocking the considerably smaller girls unconscious in their goofy like enthusiasm
- Mustard - they sweetest, gentlest young lady ferret, loves a cuddle and so well-behaved - didn't escape. Must be adopted.
- Pepper and Bitey - the final two girls - truly evil. Small with big teeth. Like to get their own way. Bitey was named after a possum in the Simpsons episode ’Marge versus the monorail’ - it couldn’t be more apt. Pepper is usually shy of humans - unless she’s tasting their flesh. These two are ALWAYS the first to escape.
Mum and Dad tend to come in the house every now and again to escape the kids and at some point will become house ferrets so they don’t have to spend their twilight years haunted by outcome of that one night of passion.
So back to that day; Mum, Pepper and Bitey had made their escape. Mum was found quickly, digging near the shed. Off to bed she went without much bother. Bitey and Pepper proved more difficult. Minutes of hunting the garden and shouting their name went past (shouting quietly, I didn’t want the neighbours to know they were out again), Bitey finally reared her head from, you’ve guessed it, next door. When I picked her up and asked her what she was doing, she responded with her displeasure of having fun-time curtailed and lived up to her name, she bit me on the nose. The occasional nip is to be expected, I was a little more unhappy about the fact that the scars had only just faded from the last time she taken a chunk out of my nose; when I was clipping her claws. That time she really meant it; it really bled!. This time it was a minor bleed, however still unimpressed she was hauled off to bed. Pepper turned up in the hedgerow what seemed like ages later. She spent some time teasing us by skipping off and hiding every time we went to grab her but finally gave it up and allowed to be carted off to bed. Not without telling me that she was a little fed-up with such an early curfew by biting me on the finger. I don’t want to give you the impression they regularly bite, but those two are the two that will occasionally if they’re fed-up with being told what to do. By this time I was cold, wet, bleeding and more than a little annoyed. You can imagine the ear-bashing the other half got for several hours afterwards. Let’s hope that that little padlock stays in place next time. |
| My Hormones are Making Me Go Bonkers a Jills Tale |
Those naughty children !!
At the beginning of the winter my ferret Rascal came into season, she had a couple of "Jill jabs " and was eventually spayed. Unfortunately all of this played havoc with her hormones and brain, just as we were sure she was recovering from the surgery things took a very unexpected turn. She suddenly seemed to think she has had babies and took over my children's animal slippers ( tigers and German shephard ) ! It was absolutely hilarious to watch - I even had friends come around to video her. It is hard to imagine as the slipper were at least twice as big as her and she used to take them everywhere with her ( all four of them ) she would carry them upstairs, she even devised a way of propping them up on the side of the bed - climbing onto the bed and then pulling them up ! She would get them all settled around her and groom them all meticulously, all the time talking to them in little squeaks and dooks !! There would be real trouble if we moved one of them as she would find it and give it a strict telling off. The funniest was when she wanted to take them back downstairs she used to line them all up at the top and push them over the edge ! One day she decided she wanted them all in the kitchen drawer and she spent hours trying to get them into a tiny space, shouting at them in frustration the whole time. I am happy to report that the hormones have settled back down now and my children once again have warm feet and Rascal has returned to normal ( well as normal as any ferret will ever be ) .
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| Bunny for Dinner |
Thanks for this one Trish
One evening I had invited some friends over for dinner. They had met my ferrets before so were used to them coming trotting down the stairs when they hear people arrive. My friends arrived and we had a drink before dinner then sat down at the table to eat. My two ferrets had been coming up and down and "showing off" for the guests during the time we had drinks but they really surpassed themselves when we sat down to eat. They obviously thought they should join us and being polite bring their own dinner!! So down come my two naughties dragging a rabbit skin (complete with head) that I had given them earlier that day!! Luckily my friends are not squeemish so we all just laughed at the site of Baby and Bear dragging their dinner down to join us.
Trish (Bristol) |
| A Liking for Ale |
A Liking for Ale
We have our ferrets in and around us quiet, a lot of the time, and the evening in question, was no exception. Hubby had arrived home a few months earlier with a couple of crates of Stella. Feeling like having a drink I cracked open a bottle and poured it into a glass not thinking about the critters racing round about. It was not long before the nearly empty bottle had attracted their attention and in the melee, the bottle was knocked over.
Buffy (a rather rotund and huffy ferret) arrived on the scene and quickly laid claim to the bottle it was hers and no one was going to get it off her. With grit and determination, she clamped her teeth around the neck end of the bottle and tried to lift it off the floor so that she could stash it away in her hidey-hole. The bottle being very heavy would not budge but Buffy being determined made sure that it did by counter balancing it with her body. Back legs waving around in the air Buffy was making a brave effort of move the bottle by walking along using only her front legs. It is at times like this that a camera is never to hand, so all I can give you is a cartoon line drawing.
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| Hoarders Revenge |
Hoarders Revenge
Ferrets are funny things they like to hoard but we did not know that when we first had them. I will have to take you back in time to relate these stories so bear with me.
We were so pleased with our new ferrets that everybody who came to visit had to see just how wonderful they are when released in the house at playing and dancing. How clever they are with toilet training and how resourceful and intelligent they can be when it comes to opening doors and cupboards and how small the space has to be for them to disappear into thin air.
Getting to know our ferrets has been a big adventure for us and some of our friends but, they still find ways to out fox us. My husband Steve very often has to get his own mid day meal if I am working. On the particular day I am talking about he had had a Cornish pasty for his lunch, but decided to share half a pasty with the ferrets. Taz quickly grabbed the half pasty and ran off with it to a quiet corner to eat it or so we thought.
Three weeks went by and we had invited some friends around for a cup of tea and a sticky bun. In came the ferrets so we could show them off. The ferrets had been in for around fifteen to twenty minutes and our friends, were happily settled on the sofa with tea and buns, chatting away about football and the like. When out from under the sofa charged Willow with a huge Cornish pasty clamped in her jaws making a dash for the safety of the side of the washing machine. Our visitors’ mouths dropped open in amazement not really understanding what had just happened. They realized that the ferret had something in her mouth that was nearly as big as she was and that it was definitely inert. Willow had decided that the pasty was under threat from our visitors and it had to be moved to a safer location. We all laughed about it once we found out what it was, and I have to say that I was just a tad embarrassed to have a date spent pasty racing around the room. Our friends have never been back I wonder why?
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